Three Key Ingredients to Having it ALL!

by Gladys Diaz

You may have noticed that I’ve been a little “quieter” than usual over the past couple of weeks. There is a very GOOD reason for that!

See, Michelle and I are working on some really great and yummy things for you, all while I was also planning a week-long vacation with my family and family-in-love (my hubby’s brother, sister-in-love, and my mother-in-love)!

As a wife, mother, and entrepreneur, it’s important to me that I build my business around my family.

Do I want to succeed? YES!

Do I want to make a difference in the world? YES!

Do I want to be the best wife and mother I can be? YES!

Now, some people might say that it’s “humanly impossible” to do and succeed in all of these areas at the same time.

I call BS on that!

It IS possible to have BOTH a thriving and successful business/career and a loving, passionate relationship, if that’s your true intention.

Now, is it always “easy” to have it all? NO.

To take this week off and spend as much time playing, laughing, and relaxing with my family, it took some pre-planning, putting things in motion, and being willing to work a little longer than I usually do.

It took reaching out to my coaches and mastermind sisters to get the support and encouragement I needed to believe that I COULD complete my projects AND have time to play with my family.

It took letting my family know that I would be putting in longer hours and be more focused on my work for one week so that I could have fun with them for another.

It took asking for help and support from my team – both Team Diaz and Team Heart’s Desire – and letting go of the things I could not control.

And you know what? It worked!Gladys & Michelle_on stage-heart_JIG WICL 2015

Everything that needed to get done prior to leaving on vacation got completed, Michelle and I had a WONDERFUL time speaking at the Jazz in the Gardens Women’s Impact Conference and Luncheon, where many women registered to attend The Irresistible Woman Seminar, and our virtual assistant handled all of the behind-the-scenes work for our upcoming virtual event!

When your intention is to have everything your heart desires and you’re willing to do the work to have it be so, you really CAN have it ALL!

Whether you are single and trying to figure out how to continue having a thriving career while also finding time to attract and date the man with whom you will spend your life, or you’re a woman who is married or in a relationship and you want to continue growing your business or career while also growing closer to the man you love, there are steps you can take to ensure that you are experiencing all of the love, success, and happiness you desire.

 

  1. Set a clear intention. Saying, “I want to be successful,” or “I want to be in a relationship” is not clear enough. You need to clearly define what “successful” and “a relationship” looks and feels like for you.
    1. Career intention: Does “successful” mean having a certain title or income level? Does it mean having an organization of a certain size? How many hours do you want to work? What type of lifestyle (home, vacation time and places, location) do you want to have?

 

  1. Relationship Intention: What does a successful relationship look like to you? When you close your eyes and envision yourself in the relationship of your dreams, how do you feel? What is the experience of loving and being loved that you want to have every day, for the rest of your life?

 

  1. Create a plan of action. A dream without a plan is nothing more than a wish. Once you have your clear intention begin planning from the end and work your way back.
    1. Career Plan: If you want to achieve a certain title at work in a year, what where would you need to be 2 months prior? To reach that level, at which level would you need to be 2 months prior to that, and so on. What are the steps you would need to take at each level to reach the next level? Who would you need to help support you? Have your action plan steps be as clear as the intention you set and as closely aligned to your intention as possible.

 

  1. Relationship Plan for Singles: If you want to be married in a year, and you’re not out there dating, consider that, a year from now you will probably find yourself in the same exact place you find yourself in now. So, if you want to be married in a year, where would you need to be in your relationship 2 months prior to getting engaged? How well would you need to know each other before you’d be willing to commit your life to someone? How long would you like to date him? How often would you like to see and spend time with him? Make your plan clear, allowing for joy of being pleasantly surprised, but get into action, or don’t be surprised if there’s no guy, no relationship, and no proposal a year from now!

Relationship Plan for Girlfriends and Wives: If you’re in a relationship and you’d like to experience more support for your career goals and dreams, as well as more romance and passion in your relationship, what are the things standing in the way of experiencing that now? Are you holding onto resentment, or are you ready to forgive? Are you communicating openly and authentically with your husband or boyfriend? Are you complaining about him not being supportive or inviting him to be part of your dreams? Whatever it is you want to experience in your relationship, be honest with yourself and be willing to take the action steps that will lead you in the direction of your dream!

 

  1. Get committed. One of the most critical aspects of having it ALL is your level of committed. Saying you want something and being willing to do the work it takes to have it are two completely different things! Remind yourself that this is YOUR life, YOUR dream, and WHY this is important to you.
    1. Career Commitment: Keep in mind that there are probably at least 10 other people in your company or line of work who want to achieve a high level of success. The only thing that separates the people who achieve their goals from the ones who don’t is their level of commitment, which includes persistence and resolve. Anticipate that not everything will go according to your plan, but use each setback as an opportunity to learn and catapult you in the right direction. The only reason you will have for not reaching your goal is if you quit!

 

  1. Relationship Commitment: Having a loving, passionate, intimate relationship doesn’t have to be hard work, but it does take work. Joining two separate individuals – with all of their past, history, and habits – to create one solid and successful partnership takes patience, understanding, and commitment. Everything won’t always run smoothly. You won’t always see eye-to-eye. There may be times when you wonder whether leaving is a more viable option than staying and doing the work to make your relationship work. However, the only thing that distinguishes relationships that last from those that don’t is the willingness to commit to finding a way to make things work. Assuming the man you are with is good and right for you, don’t be afraid of investing your time and heart in building a solid foundation for a love that will stand the test of time!

 

 

Having the time to relax and play with my family without worrying about having to work, check email, and wonder if my projects would get completed in time was a big enough “WHY” for me to set a clear intention about what I wanted to accomplish the past two weeks, to create a plan and put in the extra hours I needed to in order to ensure the work got done, and to commit to following the plan, even when I was tired, even when I thought I was crazy for thinking I could really make this work!

 

The results?

Family Pic - Legoland Spring Break 2015

Having a blast with my husband and kids, romantic moments with my husband, getting to hold my baby nephew for the first time and smother him with love and kisses, and having fun time with my family-in-love!

Yeah… I’d say it was all well-worth being able to have it ALL!

 

 

 

P.S. If you’re a successful, professional woman who wants to create a life where you can experience success in your career AND a loving, passionate relationship, make sure you join us for The Irresistible Woman Seminar while Early Bird prices and the 2-payment option is still available!

Shifting Into Your Feminine Power!

by Gladys Diaz

I don’t know if this happens to you, but I love what I do for a living!  Sometimes, especially if I’m working on a new and exciting project, I can work for hours without even noticing time go by!  This has been especially true for me this week, since the time changed and we are now an hour ahead.  The sun is bright outside my window, I look at my clock and see that it’s 7:00pm!  Enter the mad rush to get dinner on the table!

While it’s great to get lost in doing what I love, I also enjoy making time for the people and things that I love.

I love having time off to do things for myself and spend time with my family.  I love feeling a little “guilty” about snuggling up in my chaise lounge reading a book for the pure pleasure of it!  I enjoy being in the living room with my 3 guys all around me – not doing anything “special” – just being with one another.  I love that time in the evening, when it’s just my husband and me, and we can speak or kiss for 5 consecutive minutes without being interrupted! (smile)

Being a successful professional woman – whether you are single, married, or in a relationship – requires the ability to turn off “work mode,” which often involves taking on a lot of masculine energy, and turning up your feminine energy.

It means finding the sweet spot where you shift from being what Michelle and I call being “The Invincible Woman” and “The Irresistible Woman” – that strong-yet-soft-and-sensual, capable-yet-receptive, and powerful-yet-vulnerable feminine energy that is what makes you attractive and alluring to men!

If you find that it’s difficult for you to shed your Invincible Woman cape to wrap yourself in your Irresistible Woman radiance, you’ll want to join us over the next few months, because we are going to be offering several live and virtual events you can attend that will show you how to go From Invincible to Irresistible in your love life!

If you’d like a close-and-personal sneak peek of upcoming events, join Michelle and me this coming Friday, March 20th at the Jazz in the Gardens Women’s Impact Luncheon!

We will be speaking about how you can be Invincible at work and Simply Irresistible in your love life!

We’re excited to be speaking at this event which sells out year after year, sharing the secrets to becoming a Simply Irresistible Woman.

To join us, check out the information below!

Can’t make to the live event? Not to worry!  We are planning some very cool virtual events just for you so, make sure you are subscribed to receive our emails!

There IS a way you can have everything your heart desires in life, career, and love!  Let us share the secrets that we have used in our own lives and marriages to help you become a Simply Irresistible Woman in your love life!

 

Jazz in the Gardens_Women's Impact Luncheon_Banner

In honor of Women’s History Month and in conjunction with the 10th Annual Jazz in the Gardens Music Festival, the City of Miami Gardens will host the 2015 WOMEN’S IMPACT CONFERENCE & LUNCHEON, created in 2010. At the conference, women of varied races, creed and cultures are exposed to:

  • ideas and strategies for how to take time for self-discovery
  • essential activities associated with inspiration and motivation
  • ways women can live centered and complete lives by taking advantage of all of life’s endless possibilities.

Attendees will be entertained and engaged, as distinguished experts deliver the tips, tools and information on topics to inspire women.

Michelle and I are honored to be speaking at this created to event to inspire and empower women!

Michelle and I are honored to be speaking at this created to event to inspire and empower women!

 
Jazz in the Gardens_Women's Impact Luncheon_Gladys & Michelle_banner
 

This highly anticipated, and historically “sold-out” event, will take place at the beautiful property ofMiramar Cultural Center, Miramar, Florida, from 8:00 am – 4:00 pm on Friday, March 20th, 2015!

Click here to learn more and purchase tickets TODAY!

P.S. We can’t wait to let the cat out of the bag and share some of the amazing upcoming events with you!  Keep an eye out for our emails!

 

Comments?  Questions?  Let us know below! We love hearing from you!


Why He Can’t Hear What You’re Saying

by Gladys Diaz

 

man covering his ears_ignoring_bing

One of the most common complaints we get from women is that they feel like they don’t know how to communicate with men. This is true for single women, as well as those who are married and in relationships. There is simply a feeling that they are not being heard.

The main problem is usually that the opposite is true.

If you’re like most women, the truth is that you’re probably talking way too much!

Stay with me, here!

As a woman, you use about three times as many words as most men in a single day.  You have the unique ability to be able to have a thought, connect a feeling to it, and connect that thought and feelings with words. And then you have the uncanny ability to speak those words – sometimes over, and over, and over again.

Usually, the over-talking comes from fear.

Fear that you won’t get what we want.

Fear that you’ll upset the other person.

Fear that you have to somehow justify why you want you want.

When those fears get in the way during conversations, over-talking is used as a way to try to convince the other person to agree with you, to pacify the other person, or to make a case for why what you want is important or necessary.

The problem is that, when you begin to talk too much, a man simply can’t hear what you are saying.

The desire, feeling, or need gets buried under a mountain of words, reasons, excuses, and justifications.

In order for him to get the point of what you are saying, your man needs to dig himself out from under all of that, which can feel overwhelming. Hence, the “glazed-over stare”!

If he feels like he is being pressured or manipulated into agreeing with something, he will resist, which will have him automatically get on the defensive. Now, you’ve become “the enemy.”

If he feels as if he’s being disrespected in any way, he’ll withdraw or completely shut down. Welcome to the cold shoulder or silent treatment.

In any of these cases, no matter how much you talk, he won’t hear you.

In fact, the more you talk, the less likely he is to hear you, because he’ll either be overwhelmed and unable to hear you, on-guard and only interested in defending himself, or shut down and disconnected from you.

Either way, you’re not getting what you want in that conversation: Connection

So, how can you speak in way where you can say what you want to say and have him hear you?

  • Get Clear.   If you know that you tend to get wordy or long-winded you speak, make sure you’re clear about what you want to say. Talk it out with a friend before you bring it to him. If you have no one to talk to at the moment, speak it into your phone and record yourself, then listen to the recording. This way, you can hear what it’s like to be on the receiving end of what you are planning to say. (This can be such an eye-opener!)

 

  • Keep it Simple. Once you’re clear about what you want to say, see if you can get it down to a 3-5 word sentence. If you can’t, consider you’re trying to say too much. Also, avoid adding reasons and justifications to what you are sharing. Keeping the message simple not only helps you feel clear about what you’re saying, but allows him to hear you more clearly.

 

  • Take a Breath. Once you’ve clearly and succinctly said what you want to say, take a breath and stop talking. If you know that’s hard for you to do, take a breath and drink some water or put some food in your mouth! I know it sounds funny, but you’re going to have to train yourself to trust that once you’ve said what you want to say clearly, he’s heard you.

 

  • Listen. If he chooses to respond, listen to what he says without interrupting, contradicting, or defending your position. Give him an opportunity to respond and say what he thinks. Remember, he may not agree. That doesn’t mean he didn’t hear you. It just means he has a different opinion or feeling about it. Just listen to what he’s saying.

 

  • Allow there to be spaces of silence. There may be times when he doesn’t immediately respond to what you’ve said. Respect the silence and don’t make it mean that something is “wrong.” Men don’t have the same ability we have to almost immediately connect thoughts to feelings and words. Their brains work differently and, many times, they need more time to process what’s been said. And, as I tell my clients: He can’t hear his thoughts if he’s only hearing yours!

 

Communication in any relationship is critical, but this doesn’t only refer to the “talking” part of the equation.

So, the next time you’re going to speak with a man, remember to get clear about what you want to say, say it simply and clearly, then take a breath and listen. I promise it will feel like a whole new experience that will lead to a lot more closeness and connection!

 

Questions? Comments? Let us know below! We love hearing from you!


More Tips on Starting to Date Again!

by Gladys Diaz

 

Wow! We received some great questions and ideas for video blogs about dating and relationships! If you have a question you’d like us to answer, just write it in the comments below and let us know what it is!

As you know, in “How to Start Dating Again, Part 1,” I gave 2 steps to take before you begin dating again. The first one – honoring your desire to be in a loving relationship – is true for both singles and single moms alike!

In this video, Michelle shares two additional tips! The first one is a “must” for all single women who are on a date, and the second tip is specific to single moms who are wondering how and when to introduce someone to their children!

Remember, if you’re not single, but you know a single mom who wants to get ready to date and love again, make sure you share the LOVE with her by sending he the link to the video

Just click the image below to view and share these tips!


 
 

You truly do deserve to have the love and happiness your heart desires, and we want to do everything we can to help you make your dreams come true!

Watch the video and, if you have a question you’d like us to answer, justpost it in the comments below, and we’ll be happy to answer it for you!!

 


How to Start Dating Again!

by Gladys Diaz

 

Here’s our response to another great question we received after our amazing Transformational Tuesday interview with Deborah Deras! This one was sent to us by a single mother who wanted to know what she could do to start dating again.

Single, but not a single mother? There are some tips in here that will help you on your journey, as well!

Not single or a single mother, but know someone who is? Show her how much you care about and want her to have extraordinary love in her life by sharing this video with her!

Being a single mother can be lonely and scary. Those of us who have children know how challenging it can be at times to remember that you’re a woman, aside from being a mother, and that you have the desire to love and be loved beyond the love you give and receive from your children. You want that romantic, passionate love that you’ve always dreamed of.

It can be scary and difficult to open yourself up to the idea of loving again, even without children. However, being a single mother means also managing childcare, having time for yourself, and learning to date again!

In this video, I share the first steps a single mother must take to get ready to date and love again! In Part 2, Michelle will share the steps to take once you actually begin dating again!

Click the image below to view and share these tips!


We believe you deserve to have all of the love and happiness your heart desires!
Watch the video and let us know if there is anything we can do to support you in creating that in your life by sharing your comments and questions below!


What’s Most Important to A Man: The Third “P”: Please

by Gladys Diaz

Man surprising woman with flowers_FDP_ID-100230944

This week, I’ve been dealing with a really bad cold, but, as “luck” would have it, the cold provided me with more evidence of the 3 P’s to share with you, because my husband has gone above and beyond this week to do everything in his power to Provide for, Protect, and (wait for it…) Please me!

 

That’s right! The third “P” most important to a man is that he feels like he is able to Please you.

 

Now, this may be difficult for you to believe if you’re either not in a great relationship, or it’s been a while since you’ve felt like a man has gone out of his way to make you happy. But trust me, this one is right up there with the other two P’s as something that is essential to a man.

 

Why is pleasing you so important to him?

 

Well, no good man ever wakes up in the morning saying, “I wonder what I can do today to make her absolutely miserable!” 

 

First of all, if you’re miserable, chances are you are making him miserable, too!

Secondly, it really does make a man feel fulfilled and complete to know that he is capable of making you feel happy.

You’ll often here me say:

A man doesn’t just want to see you smiling. He also wants to know that he had something to do with the smile on your face!  (Tweet, Tweet that one!)

When a man has the consistent experience that nothing he does is good enough, or that “there’s just no pleasing you,” it makes him want to withdraw and stop trying. He doesn’t want to know that he’s doing anything that is causing you to feel disappointed or unhappy. It simply doesn’t feel “good” or “right” to him to know that he’s contributing to your unhappiness.

So, what are some ways that you can help a man contribute to your happiness?

Stop making what makes you happy a secret!

  1. Let him know what makes you happy. If there are things that you enjoy, like, or prefer, make let him know. If there is something you’d like to eat, an item you’d like to purchase, or a place you’d like to visit, tell him. Now, don’t tell him what to do or how to do it. Just let him know that it’s something that would make you happy. Let him figure out how to make it happen if he chooses to. Don’t make him try to guess or figure out what you want. Instead, set him up to win, because when he wins, you win!

 

  1. If something he does pleases you, inform your face! In other words: SMILE! Don’t keep your happiness a secret because you feel like you’ll owe him something or you feel like he’ll stop trying. In fact, the very opposite is true. The positive feeling of knowing that he did something to make you smile is like a drug to man. He’s going to want to repeat that feeling – for you and himself – again, so you’ve just increased the chances that he’ll look for other ways to please you.

 

  1. Show your appreciation. Don’t withhold your appreciation in an effort to seem like what he did is “no big deal.” You know how great it feels when you do something nice for someone and they let you know how much it meant to them. He’s no different. Letting him know that you are both happy and grateful for what he did will go a long way toward creating a wonderful cycle of giving, receiving, and appreciation in your relationship!

 

A good man will always do what he cans to please you.

If you feel like the man in your life has stopped doing the little things to make you happy, rather than looking outward at what he’s doing (or not doing; or not doing “well enough”) –

  • Look within and see if you’ve stopped telling him what makes you happy out of fear that you won’t get it.

 

  • See if you’ve been acting as if you don’t notice what he’s doing, or if you’ve been complaining that it’s not enough.

 

  • Ask yourself if you’ve stopped demonstrating your appreciation for the little things, the big things, and everything in between.

If you’ve been doing any of the above, don’t beat yourself up about it. Instead, make today the day you begin to turn things around by starting to look for and notice the things he is doing – even if it’s something you think he should be doing.

Then smile and let him know that, not only are you happy, but that he had something to do with the smile on your face!

 

Comments? Questions?  Let us know below!  We love hearing from you!

 

Image courtesy of FreeDigitalPhotos.net


Why You Can’t Give Up on Love!

by Gladys Diaz

 

 

Michelle & Arnie1This week is a special one in the Heart’s Desire family!  Michelle & Arnie celebrated their 4th Wedding Anniversary!

 

If you see Michelle and Arnie together today, what you’ll witness is true and pure love.  They have one of those relationships that just take your breath away and make you believe that dreams really can come true. 

 

What you wouldn’t be able to see at first glance is that their story was very much like many of yours!  See, there was a time when Michelle had given up on the idea that she would ever find the man who would help make her dreams come true.

 

After almost 13 years of a very difficult marriage, she found herself a young, single mother of two pre-teen boys.  She had tried “the dating thing” and found that she kept having the same failed relationship – or pseudo-relationship, because they were only relationships in her mind – over and over again. 

 

“I kept dating the same guy, with a different face, and in a different body, but the results were always the same: They were either unavailable, ‘getting separated,’ or had some type of drug or alcohol problem.”

 

It seems like, no matter what she tried to do, she just couldn’t get it “right.”

 

She began to lose hope on finding true love and wanted to give up.

 

Then something shifted.

 

Michelle’s coach told her something that would change her life forever. 

 

 He asked her, “What do all of those guys have in common?”

 

“They’re men!” she said.

 

Besides, biology,” he said, “what’s the one thing they all have in common?”

 

She paused, not wanting to say it. “Me.”

 

 

The only thing every single one of those men and relationships and in common was her.

 

This is what started Michelle on the inner journey that has led to her experiencing the love of her dreams! 

 

She began doing the inner work to distinguish, dismantle, and replace the fears, doubts and limiting beliefs that had been causing her to repeat dysfunctional and painful patterns so that she could open her heart to experiencing true love.

 

Michelle & Arnie2

And, it was thanks to being courageous enough to be willing to do that work that on a Valentine’s Day 9 years ago Michelle went on her first date with Arnie, and began creating her own Lifetime Love Story!


        Was it “easy” work?  Not always?

 

        Was it always “fun”? No.

 

 

But it was the willingness to stop complaining about how unhappy and frustrated she was and to begin transforming herself and her life that lead to her living her dream-come-true!

 

And  all of the steps that she took, the changes that she made, and the inner work that she did are what we’ve included in our Ready to Love Again program!

 

See, as happy as Michelle is in her marriage and I am in mine, we believe with every bit of our hearts that it is every woman’s birthright to have the experience of loving and being loved beyond her wildest dreams every single day of her life.

 

This is why we’ve used our own experiences – our own Love Journeys of heartache, loss, and finding love again – to help women around the world create the life and the love of their dreams!

 

To celebrate Michelle and Arnie’s fourth anniversary as well as making this the last Valentine’s Day you spend without the love of your dreams, we are giving you a very special opportunity to purchase the Ready to Love Again Home Study Course for almost 50% off the regular price!

 

That’s how committed we are to you finally breaking through the behaviors, beliefs, and patterns that are keeping you stuck in heartache and loneliness!

 

Women around the world are experiencing breakthroughs in their lives they never anticipated!

 

        They are attracting great men into their lives!

 

        They are no longer settling for less than they deserve!

 

        And some are planning their weddings!

 

There is absolutely no reason for you to spend one more Valentine’s Day wishing you finally had the love your heart desires.

 

Take a step today toward making your dreams come true by allowing us to guide you on your Love Journey.

 

Order the Ready to Love Again program for our Special Pink Friday price!  

heartsdesiretranspHRThis special price is only available for the next 48 hours, so stop waiting, making excuses, or thinking that this “love thing” isn’t for you. 

 

If it’s your heart’s desire to share your life with someone, then it’s up to you to do what it takes to make that a reality!

 

Remember, it’s your life, your heart, and your dream.

The one with the power to make your dreams come true is YOU!

 

Order the Ready to Love Again program for our Special Pink Friday price today!

 


How Can I Stop Attracting the Wrong Man? (Video)

by Gladys Diaz

 

Are you tired of attracting the wrong man into your life?

 

Does it feel as if you keep dating the same man with a different face, name, and body?

 

If it seems as if you keep repeating the same patterns and having the same experiences in dating and relationships, you’ll want to tune in and watch this video where I answer the question, “How do I stop attracting the wrong man?” which was submitted by one of the viewers who saw our Transformational Tuesday interview, “Getting Ready to Love Again,” with Deborah Deras!*

In this video, I explain what may be causing you to create the same experience over and over again in dating and relationships– even if it’s something you don’t want!

I also walk you through an exercise we do with our clients that helps them to distinguish what some of their Dysfunctional Patterns are so that they can begin to dismantle and deal with them powerfully!

If this video isn’t for you, but you have women in your life who you feel could benefit from the information, please share it with them. There’s nothing more loving you can do than to help another woman break a cycle that is causing her so much frustration and heartache!



After you watch the video, please leave your comments in the Comments section of the blog so that we can continue the conversation!
 

*P.S. The Transformational Tuesday interview with Deborah Deras received such a great response that we are doing an Encore Presentation tomorrow night, Tuesday, February 10th, at 10:00pm ET. There will be a simultaneous live Twitter Chat where we will answer your questions LIVE as they come in! It’s going to be transformational, informative, fun and FREE!

Click here to join us for the Transformational Tuesday Encore Presentation of “Getting Ready to Love Again.”

 


What’s Most Important to a Man: The Second “P”: Protect

by Gladys Diaz

 

hero_bing

 

The other day I shared with you one of “The 3 P’s” most important to a man: Providing for the woman he loves.

Today I’d like to focus on the second “P”: Protecting the woman he loves.

It may seem a little old-fashioned to think that a man feels that he needs to “protect” the woman he loves. After all, we women have become very independent and self-sufficient, and we can take care of ourselves – physically, emotionally, and financially.

However, when you think back to the beginning of time, men were the providers and protectors. If they didn’t protect the tribe, people died. It was just that simple.

That need to feel like he’s capable of protecting you from harm is inherent in a man.  When he has the experience that he’s not able to prevent something bad from happening to you, he may very well react with what appears to be anger. And, in the moment, it may seem like that anger is directed at you.

I remember one day I was sharing with my husband about a business deal. I had shared an idea and made a verbal agreement with someone about a program that we were going to partner together to create and launch. Eventually, it turned out that the person went ahead with the idea without me and offered me a role in the project, but not a full partnership. I, of course, was disappointed and hurt, and shared these feelings with my husband. I shared that I still wanted to be part of the project, because I believed in it, but I was very hurt that I had been informed about the change in plans after the fact.

All of a sudden, I felt like I was being “attacked.” Instead of comforting and encouraging me, he began yelling and telling me that I would be a fool to continue working with this person who obviously took an idea we had brainstormed together and ran with it on her own, without discussing anything with me. He kept getting louder and angrier, and I was completely confused and felt as if he was rubbing salt in my wounds.

Rather than say something I would regret, I went upstairs and laid in my chaise lounge chair, crying. On top of being hurt, I was angry! Why was he taking this out on me?

Then I asked myself a question that has helped me to move from anger to understanding in the past.

What would have him say something like that to me?

See, my husband loves me, and I know that he wants to protect me from harm, not cause me harm. As soon as I asked myself that question (What would have him say something like that to me?”), I was able to see it as clear as day: He was trying to protect me!

See, in my husband’s eyes, someone had let me down, hurt me, cost me what could have been a great financial opportunity, and left me out of a partnership I had been so excited about being a part of.

However, worse than all of that, there was nothing he could do to prevent or “fix” it for me.

He felt helpless because he didn’t and couldn’t protect me!

After I moved from anger to compassion, I then moved into a space of gratitude!

I was so grateful that my husband was so loving and protective – even if he didn’t express it the way I would express it.

I walked downstairs, stood behind the couch he was sitting on, leaned down, and whispered in his ear, “I get it. You’re upset because you want to protect me from being hurt or taken advantage of. Thank you for your love.”

He turned around and looked me in the eye. I don’t know if it was shock and awe at the fact that I’d figured it out, or just plain and simple relief that I got what he’d been trying to express, but I’ll never forget the look in his eyes. He just said, “I am upset. I love you and don’t like seeing you sad or hurt.”

I walked around the couch, sat next to him, and nuzzled my nose into the crook of his neck and cried a little bit more.

Nothing had been resolved, but I felt loved, protected and at peace, no matter what ended up happening with the business project! I had my hero next to me, and, right then and there, that was all that really mattered!

Think about it:

Has there been a time when you felt like your husband or boyfriend wasn’t being supportive of your dream or idea?

Consider that he wants more than anything to see you realize your dream and be happy, and is afraid you’ll be disappointed if your idea fails. And, because there’s nothing he can do to stop that from happening, he tries to discourage you from getting your hopes too high.

Has there been a time when he’s gotten angry at you for being friends with or associating with someone who has hurt or disappointed you in the past?

Consider that he hates seeing you sad and upset, so he gets angry, and directs that anger at you, because he’s afraid you’ll get hurt and disappointed again. And, because there isn’t much he can do to prevent that from happening, he tries pointing out how foolish it is to trust someone who was capable of hurting or lying to you in the first place.

Regardless of what your specific situation is, if you can try to listen for the love behind the words of anger, it’s very possible that you will also hear his his desire to keep you safe.

While you may not understand his approach, if you can listen for and hear his love and concern and his desire to protect you, you, too, will be able to move from upset, to compassion, to gratitude that you have a man at your side who wants nothing more than to be your hero!

 

Questions? Comments? Let us know below! We love hearing from you!

 


What’s Most Important to a Man: The 3 P’s

by Gladys Diaz

 

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This weekend Michelle and I participated in and spoke at the Desire to Rise event. It was an absolutely inspiring event focused on realizing our visions in 2015! We had the privilege of inspiring the audience to create and realize their visions for love by creating a Love Resolution for 2015!

Michelle and I are used to speaking to audiences made up predominantly of women, but, every once in a while, men will participate in our presentations, and we absolutely love it!Decide to Rise_Links

It’s always so heartwarming to see just how committed men are to creating loving relationships, too! In fact, the men in the room this time participated fully in our session, including holding hot pink paper links symbolizing the past fears, doubts, and limiting beliefs that had been blocking love from entering their hearts right along with all of the women and they came up to us after the session to thank us and tell us how much they got out of it! It was awesome!

Another reason we love having men in the audience is because there is nothing quite as affirming as having the men nodding their heads in agreement when we talk about the three things that are most important to them in a relationship. We call these “The 3 P’s”: To Provide for, Protect, and Please the women they love.

These are a man’s greatest desires when it comes to being in a relationship.

Because each of them is so important, we’ll focus on just one of them today and I’ll write more about the other two in subsequent posts.

A man wants to know that he is capable of providing for and taking care of the woman he loves.

Now, this doesn’t always mean that he’s the primary bread winner. It means that he’s able to contribute to her well-being in some way. For some men, that will mean providing for his beloved financially – whether that means being the one who works in the home, making more money than she does, or contributing to the finances in some way. For others it could mean that he holds down the fort and provides support for her in pursuing her dreams. For others it means that he cares for her needs in other ways. And some of us are blessed enough to have a man who does all of the above!

The point is that a man needs to know and feel like he’s needed. If he doesn’t, he either withdraws to avoid feeling incompetent or rejected, or he begins to depend on the woman, which can then lead to resentment on both sides of the relationship.

If you’re in a relationship where you’re not feeling like you’re being cared and provided for, I invite you to look to see where you may be preventing that from happening.

Are you the one doing everything in the relationship – from earning the money, to taking care of the household, to basically doing anything and everything that requires decision making and action taking?

Are you feeling exhausted and overwhelmed because you feel like you are doing it ALL with very little help?

Are you beginning to feel resentful about this, and, rather than admitting you need help, you’re continuing to plow along, getting everything done and resenting your man for not offering to help?

If you answered “Yes” to any of these questions, it’s time to take a step back and provide room for him to step up.

Now, allowing a man to provide and care for you does not mean that you are incapable of doing and caring for yourself. Of course you can! The thing is that, if doing everything is causing you to resent him and is creating distance in your relationship, you want to ask yourself what’s more important – doing everything yourself to prove that you can, or allowing for the possibility of not having to do everything yourself all of the time and feeling loved and cared for in the process?

Instead of running yourself ragged, denying him the pleasure of providing for you, and causing a rift in your relationship, follow these steps:

  1. Take a breath, step back, and simply admit that you could use some help. The words, “I need help” are like a flare in the sky for a man! They signal that there is something he can do for the women he loves! Men want to help. They want to know that there’s a purpose for them being there. I know you may be skeptical. I know I was. My biggest complaint was that my husband never helped me and I felt like “the single married mom.” However, when I started saying, “I need help,” I saw just how important it was to my husband to know that he was capable of providing for me! So, even if you’re skeptical right now, I challenge you: Just try it!

 

  1. When he asks what you need help with, share what it is without complaining or over-exaggerating the need.  Once you say, “I need help,” most men will ask you what you need help with. When he does simply share what it is you need help with. At this point, avoid complaining (either verbally or in your mind) about his lack of help, your exhaustion, and the unfairness of it all when you express your need for help. That is just going to cause resistance on his part and will probably lead to yet another argument, so you want to avoid complaining and nagging at all costs.

 Instead, you can say something like, “I need help moving these boxes,” “I need help organizing these receipts for the taxes,” “I need help putting away the dishes.” Keep it short and simple, and then stop talking.

 

 

  1. Avoid attaching any expectations to what the help “should” look like. Once he offers to help, step back and allow him to do it in his way and time frame. Don’t check up on, remind, or hint at what he should/could be doing. Just move right along to something else. Many times, we sabotage ourselves from being provided for by jumping in to “help” or make things easier for our men. That has to do with our own feelings of self-worth and thinking that we’re somehow“ burdening” them. Just step back and allow yourself to receive the help. It may feel weird at first, but I promise, you’ll grow used to it!

 

  1. Let him know you noticed and appreciate his help. Once he’s done whatever he’s done to help, let him know you noticed and appreciate his help! Many times women will withhold the appreciation because they don’t want to feel as if the man did them any favors. Well… first of all, he did do you a favor by helping, and, secondly, it’s important to keep in mind that his desire to feel like he can provide for you is closely followed by his need to feel appreciated. The more you let him know that you need and appreciate him and his help, the more likely he is to begin offering to provide for you! It’s a real win-win situation!

 

I know it may seem strange and out of character for you to admit that you could use some help, especially if you’re used to taking care of things on your own. I remember wondering if I was “dumbing down” or pretending that I wasn’t capable of doing something. I was afraid I would seem weak.

What I found out, however, is that allowing my husband to help and provide for me made me feel loved and cherished. Seeing how much he wanted to help me really did make me appreciate him even more. That inspired more gratitude and tenderness from me, which only ignited his desire to continue doing things for me that caused that reaction. As I said above, it truly is a real win-win combination.

 

So, go ahead and try it, and let me know what begins to open up for you in the comments below!

We’ll focus on a man’s desire to protect the woman he loves in the next post! See you then!

 

Comments? Questions? Let us know below! We love hearing from you!